Pain pain go away

Just asking for some healing prayers. This Cancer will NOT win! God >Cancer and I do believe in the healing prayers work. Help me tonight stay strong and get through this bone pain and fever so I don't have to be hospitalized tomorrow. Fever 101.9 and Neulasta shot pain is hurting so bad. I did take some pain meds and hope to sleep this fever off. With all of your prayers and God's love, I know I will kick Cancer in the behind. This is chemo treatment #3 with 12-14 more weeks to go then radiation. Breast cancer will not win! Prayers greatly accepted. Thank you all so much for helping me through this bump in the road. — feeling blessed.

Ok, bring it on.. chemo #3

Tomorrow 11/6/15, is my third of four double cocktail "Red Devil" A/C chemo therapy treatments. I do these every two weeks for a total of four treatments. I will them move on with 12 weeks of Taxol chemotherapy treatments each week. Then radiation.

This past two weeks has not been fun. Physically I was in so much pain in my joints and especially my chest/breast bone and it radiates to my back. This was nothing to do with infection, but a true deep bone pain from the Neulasta shot that "helps" (haha, ouch) keep my white blood cell counts up post chemo treatments. I actually ended up in the ER last Thursday because the pain was so bad. 

The good things I focus on are the wonderful help I am getting from my family and friends! I am blessed! 

Well, I'll try to post more tomorrow. Crossing my fingers that my port plays nice and works for the infusion nurses. 

The ball is rolling forward

Today is one day before my second Chemo treatment. 2 months late! I went to the plastic surgeons office for a fill on my left expander. Tomorrow is my 2nd chemo therapy. The ball is rolling forward finally after two months of infections and surgery on right breast having cellulitis and right expander removed because of cellulitis. Healing has been good after many rounds of oral and infused antibiotics. 

I hope and pray that I can stay healthy after this chemo to have another one in two weeks. 

Memories

I remember that breath taking moment the breast surgeon said you will need chemo therapy. It caught me off guard even knowing I needed it. I immediately thought of how chemo treated my dad when he was in his last weeks of life dying of lung, liver and bone cancer. 

I could feel my face scrunch up trying to hold back my tears with hubby to my side and the breast surgeon reaching and offering me a tissue to catch my tears. Sobs came out of me, I turned beat red and just let the tears fall. 

I hate cancer! 

September 29th was a 3rd surgery

I had developed an infection in/on my right breast underneath. I was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday Sept 16th and was there for 6 days. I had gone in for a regular appointment with the plastic surgeon, but o was in horrible pain again in the right side so the nurser looked at me and immediately got the rotor. Doc sent me down for an delta sound to look for infection,   And while I was gettin that done, her nurse called me with a direct admitt room on the 8th floor. An infectious disease doctor was called in. Through tests and exams the two doctors determined that this red skin, puffy, hot and painful patch on my breast was Cellulitis. I was on drip antibiotics and Saturday they switched me to oral ciprofoxin, but kept one drip. They wanted to send me home but they had problems accessing my port so I could get home. X-ray showed the fluids spilling into the soft tissue instead of the vein attached to the port. After mumeroud sticks, they finally stopped and doctor said I'd be stayingi until Monday and maybe surgery to fix or replace port. Meantime I had the BEST nursing staff . 

So Monday rolls around and the Breast surgeon shows and tries again to access my port and she did Get it working! A fluoroscopy was done to confirm it was fine! Home bound I was! Thanks to all the family and friends who visited Sunday .. I even had a pizza party to help keep that hospital food! I did have to do home infusions this home time. Pretty easy going there. I infuse my antibiotic myself and a home health care nurse comes every 5 days to change my port line. After having gone theough 9 years of fertility treatments, I  totally comfortable doing these myself. 

I went back Monday to the Plastic Surgeon and she said I needed surgery right away because the infection was not getting better, was angrier actually. So yesterday I got to same day surgery and had surgery. The right breast muscle had partly died. I had requested the expander be taken out. 

Chemo update and 2 days post

Well, Friday the 4th was my first appointment to do my labs, see the oncologist and her chemo coordinator and then get hooked up for chemo. This all started 12:20 pm ... Lab accidentally missed me on their list , but luckily after a nice lab tech got me taken care of I was on my way to meeting the doc. We didn't get sent over to the treatment infusion  center until almost 3. The staff at St. Luke's is just wonderful! The nice nurse, Bonnie, hooked me up with the IV and got some nausea meds, steroids and then later the red devil adriamyacin and the cytoxin chemo drugs pushed in. In my honest opinion I felt good through it all. T.M.I..... I was warned my urine would change to red after and let me tell you it did! LoL I went potty just as we left and it was very visible. That is the Red Devil chemo. 

We came home around 5:30-6 pm and I relaxed and lounged in the recliner the rest of the evening. 

Julia came home Saturday .. Thanks to their Aunts, Uncles and cousins for taking great care of her . 

Forward to yesterday I did sleep ok, but steroids had my body a little jittery. A little nausea, but thankfully the meds nipped that quickly. Thanks to my hubby, Jeff for taking care of us too! 

Today I have not been able to sleep, I wonder why... Steroids! 

Oh, before I forget... They attached a self injecting patch on my belly for a neulasta shot that injected successfully last night. That shot helps my bone marrow and keeps my white blood cell counts up so I can stay strong for the chemo. I should expect some body aches in the next 3-5 days. Hair loss 7 days or so out. Becoming more tired each day. So I plan on spending as much time resting. 

Ok, I think I really have a start date for chemo..

I go to physical therapy tomorrow morning and then to the plastic surgeon an hour later. Repeat of last week with appointments and a fill for the temp girlies(my new nickname for my temp expanders). Well, actually a double fill. I'll take my Tylenol before to make sure I am not in too much pain. Tomorrow is the tell all with getting the GO Ahead from the plastic surgeon to say my incisions are healed (which they are from what I can tell) so I can start chemo Friday, Sept. 4th around noon. I have Jeff and my mom going with me. My SIL is going to pick Julia up from school. 

Thank you to EVERYONE who is helping out and praying, sending good thoughts and providing us with much nourishment  with food. 

My nerves have started to set in. I know I need to Let Go and Let God take over those nerves. God has provided me with wonderful love and help through each step of this.

I want to Thank The Journey and the Women's Ministry and my friends for Friday night's Women's Worship night. My beautiful friends I went with and many others I met or even did not know helped me stand up and let them lay hands on me to pray and help stay strong through this journey. It truly was a profound experience with God! 

I'll post more tomorrow. Love to all! 

More appointments today

💪First appointment is with occupational therapy. I am sure she will work me over good. 

Second appointment is for plastic surgeon. I hope to get my temp implants filled in hopes she is ready to release me to the oncologist to start chemo. I think all of my incisions are pretty well healed up. I think I might have a little fluid build up by right lymph node incision that I could get drained, but I'll see what PS says first . 

I'll keep you posted

I think I overdid it a little with my left PEC muscle. Hope the therapist goes easy on me. Hehe

Ready, set, Hold on a minute...

I got my stitches out Wednesday in my left breast incision that was revised this last surgery. Now we wait for my lymph node removal incision to heal up. It is still open and leaking a bit. 

After that appointment, my mom and I met with my oncologist and she went over my protocol again and discussed how I might feel through it all, tired, worn out and yet some good days between each treatment. She agrees that we need to wait until at least Next Friday to get Chemo rolling so I can get a release from the plastic surgeon this coming Monday. She had wanted to start me this coming Monday, but with this incision needing to heal a bit longer that would possibly put us at Friday the 28th for starting chemo. 

We left there in good spirits only to get a call a few hours later from my breast surgeons office saying the oncologist and plastic surgeon wanted me to come back in to check my underarm lymph incision for fluid build up (seroma?). Skip forward to today, my breast surgeon examined me and by ultrasound did find a pocket of fluid built up just above the lymph node incision. So she said she wanted to drain it and that was we have a better chance at getting chemo started next week.

Breast surgeon proceeded to numb me up and aspirated close to 20 cc's of fluid from that spot. She said this can happen again so to keep an eye on tightness over the next few days. She agrees that the opening in the incision will close up soon, but to keep an eye on it. She also noticed I had a part of a self desolving stitch sticking out of my port incision so she clipped that out. 

So we are making progress even with some hiccups. We will take the good and thankfully mostly fixed the bad today. 

Staying positive knowing I have a great team keeping a close eye on me. 

I did find out my case is being reviewed again by the whole oncology board Monday so I am feeling good and that the onc. Is looking at every aspect in prep to an aggressive and hopeful positive chemo outcome in the next few months. 

Time to dye the hair again soon then prep to shave it all off soon. 

Drains? What drains?

I was the recipient of two drains post doubles mastectomies  on July 21st. Then I had another surgery last week and  got another drain put in under my right arm pit. Today I saw the breast care surgeon's PA and she gladly removed all three drains! Yippeeeee, I am DRAIN FREE!!! 

Now I wait to see the oncologist on the 19th to get chemo started. 

Shopping now for some head scarves! 

More great news from pathology.

My breast doctors nurse called me with a very chipper voice tone and said she had some great news from the pathology results. The additional lymph nodes taken out of my right underarm Do Not , DO NOT contain any more cancer!

What a relief. 

Now I will be able to move forward with a few more preparation tests like the echocardiogram today to make sure my heart is strong enough for the chemo therapy. 

Today the pain I am having is bad, but this too shall pass in due time. It is more of a nerve pain than muscular pain. I  staying on top of the pain meds. I hope to get the drain out next week. 

Thanks to all the meal train deliveries! So yummy! Thanks to those fundraising too .

Go fund me

Here is the link: Go Fund Me Team Bekki Boo

Thank you all so much! 

Prepping for my hair loss

From the Chemo protocol my oncologist and I discussed, I know I will be losing my hair.

Last night I saw a head wrap/ scarf a friend was wearing in her profile picture and asked her where she got it. So now I started putting my fingers to work researching the site she gave me and a few others to see what style I might like.

I don't want to lose my hair, no, but I know it will go along with the process to rid my body of this ignorant mean cancer! I should be starting chemo in about 3-4 weeks after tomorrow's lymph node cancer surgery. 

I am a hat girl so I will be going through my hats to get rid of the Velcro straps and hard plastic snap backs. My sister said they might bother me when I lose my hair. I always wear hats now when out and about because I am thin up top from my precious days of being diabetic and from the weight surgery I had a few years back.

This is a new stage of life I never expected to experience, but cancer will do that to you. Never wanted to lose my hair and mostly never wanted to have cancer! I'll show you up, you mean cancer, by having a positive attitude and smiling as much as I can! I may frown on vettain days, but I know how to turn that frown upside down! Ok, off to get a hat or scarf ordered! 

I love my doctors!

On a Saturday, my ob/gyn called me on his day off! How is that for service!!! We discussed my current results and talked about having my ovaries taken out. He is going to try to talk with my breast surgeon this week to see when we need to take these ovaries out ( had uterus and cervix already taken in 2006) ...see, my cancer is hormone driven so I have to take them out. 

I can't say enough good things about the care the teams of doctors and their office staff! 

PET scan and BRCA test results

 One step forward one step backwards

Is the name of the game again.

Great news came in today from my breast surgeon's office, my PET Scan was clear. NO cancer outside of the lymph node and breast cancers I have. That is such a relief hearing that update! It is about time we got some good news and in fact this was GREAT news!!!! Ahhhhh

I talked to my oncologist today and confirmed what protocol for chemo I will be starting with in a few weeks (around the 19th). It is Long and drawn out so I will leave that for another post. 

I will most likely be doing radiation so I await a referral to a radiological oncologist. 

I have a call into my only/gyn to get a referral to a gynecological oncologist so I can set a date to have my ovaries removed. 

Ovaries must be shut down and taken out because I did hear back from the geneticist that I am indeed positive for BRCA-2 gene. 

Yes, I inherited all of this from my paternal  side of the family. Now I know why I have Breast Cancer!!!! 

Deep Breath! 

Exhale! 

Ok, more later on the BRCA -2.

Off to rest this tired body. 

Pathology results brought some not so good news

My Breast Surgeon, Dr. L, called me yesterday with the pathology results from the right breast tissue and right lymph node testing. One lymph node does have cancer in it. So now we need to reevaluate our next step. 

I have to do a PET scan tomorrow at SLU (I need to go to SLU because there are no open PET scan appointments available at St. Luke's until next Tuesday). We need to do this scan to see if the cancer has metastasized (spread) outside of the lymph nodes into other parts of my body. Then we need to go back into surgery next week to take out the lymph nodes. I am also having issues with the skin around the left breast mastectomy incision. Some bad blood flow so some more skin needs to be excised. 

So with these latest findings it changes my stage of cancer to a Stage 2a grade III metastatic. Scary, I know, but let's get the show in the road and beat the crap out of this cancer. Chemo will start soon and then Radiation is now going to be factored in. We will also need to watch for lymphadema. I will work with a therapist to make sure I don't need extra therapy to keep the swelling down in the right arm. 

Ugh

I was not happy with these newest finding, but we will not let it keep us down!

Thank you all so much for the food, hugs and prayers! We are so blessed to have  you all supporting us through the rough days and helping us see the rays of sunshine each day. 

P.s. I forgot to mention that the plastic surgeon had to remove some of the filler liquid from my left breast expander since that skin is not healing fully. That was crazy watching that. Didn't hurt much! 

Oops I did it again....

Yes, I will make you sing that girls' godawful song all day now. Bwahahaha!

I over did it yesterday. The heat was too much for me to take at our daughters back to school pool bash. I came home drenched in sweat and felt nauseous. I quickly took my pain meds and took my butt to the recliner with my jug of ice water. I did cool down, ate one piece of pizza he ordered and then I just lay there and quietly cried. I wanted to be strong and go to see everyone at the pool bash, but I obviously underestimated the heat. I can't swim per doctors rules for recuperation so no cooling down in the pool. I had to say my goodbyes and went home to lick my pride wounds. 

Best part of the night was seeing Julia have so much fun

Baby steps are great big steps!

Today's baby step was being able to go 7 hours between the need of taking my pain meds! Huge accomplishment! So many things to be thankful for! 

Recuperation at home and the wait begins

Yes, I left the hospital 23 hours after I had a double mastectomy to remove the DCIS /IDC breast cancer. How crazy is it that I was released so soon? I was in pain, yes, but agreed that recuperation at home would be better. So home I went. 

Today's pain level is about a 5. I am having pains where the two drains are and where they put the port on my upper left chest area. I hope it will pass soon. 

The breast surgeon was very pleased with surgery. She was about 90% sure my cancer did not pass into the lymph nodes, but pathology will have to confirm that. Hopefully the results will come back early next week. Those results will help oncology determine what route in chemo therapy I will take. I have a blood clotting disorder so the oncologist will get my chemo selected after results are in. If no lymph node invasion then chemo would last 12 weeks, if it did pass the lymph nodes, we might be looking at 20 weeks. 

I go back next Wednesday for the plastic surgeon follow up and to hopefully get the drains taken out. 

The oncology appointment is the 4th of August. 

Less is more or is it nesting before surgery

Thanks to my husband, mom and other family members for helping me purge some much needed stuff, ok- CRAP, out of this house! Yes, that is a van load and my mom took a load last week and I did a few days ago too. Is this Nesting? Surgery is set tomorrow at 10:30. Nerves have hit! Gah? 

Huge thank you day!

Thanks to God for a great productive day. Woke up and felt relatively good. Again, I say to myself,  "I don't feel like I have cancer". I start cleaning. House cleaning. My mom shows up then my two nieces came over too. We had the kids and grandma focus on Julia's bedroom. I could not see the bed, the floor, dresser, etc... They knocked it OUT! 7 bags to goodwill . 

I dusted (aaaachhooooo), deep cleaned (including ceiling fan blades) and vacuumed kitchen, dining room, living room and bathroom. Monday I will finish the bedroom and Julia's room and hallway. 

It feels so good. Oh, I also had the front tires replaced on my van. Most needed as my original tires were so bald. Lots of traveling in the near future to Chesterfield so I needed to do this now. 

Trash taken out. Mom took 7 bags to goodwill and I have another 4 small boxes ready to go Monday. 

When will I snap?

Everyone keeps telling me I am upbeat. New colorful hair... Smiling.... Happy.... 

Well, I fear a break down. I fear it so I stave it off by avoiding the negative and depressing things, but I hold that thought in the back of my mind that I will break. Fear is there. Fear I will just drop to my knees and just lose it. I kind of prepare myself for this, but I want to be strong for my daughter, husband and family. 

I Will Never Give Up! NEVER

More tests more blood draws

Today is 14 July, I went to the geneticist

The Lump.... tiny, but HUGE

In early June 2015 I did my usual self breast exam and found a suspicious tiny hard young pea sized lump in my upper right breast. By my arm pit.

June 1, 2015 we have new health insurance thanks to my husbands new Job. Ahhh

I booked an OB/GYN appointment and could get in June 23 at 11 am. I also decided to just show up at the breast care center at St. Luke's to do my mammogram that morning. I got there and insisted they call my OB/GYN to get an approve ultrasound because I have dense fibrocystic breast tissue discovered in previous mammograms. They did get the approval and proceeded to send me for my mammo. I then got called back in for the ultrasound because they did find something on the mammo that was suspicious. I went in for the ultrasound and the tech found the lump after I pointed it out. Now after having been through 10 years of infertility and miscarriages, I could basically read my own ultrasounds on the screen. I knew what she was taking pictures of was not USUAL dense breast tissue. It was a mass. She measured it on screen, snapped about 6 or 7 shots and sent me on my way to get dressed. I was late for my OB/GYN by that time (not really late beause my doc is always late too). I went in to see the OB/GYN after. He did my physical breast exam and also felt the lump. He did say I could be the one amoung many that this turns out to be NOTHING just like the previous dense tissue I have had that ultrasound has determined to be just that, dense tissue. He said he would wait for the results from radiology and call me back soon, very soon!

He sent me on my way. I got a call from radiology later that day stating I needed to come in for a biopsy. June 25th. I went in that Thursday thinking the worst news. Yes, I had convinced myself that I was dealing with breast cancer. I got set up by the wonderful nurse (who I later found out she had gone through infertility and tried to adopt from China... small world). The ultrasound(US) tech came in to begin prepping me for the doctor to come in and be biopsied. She started the US and said "wait a minute, please point to the lump you found!" Oh boy.. I could see the screen. She had found two other lumps too! Sure enough, she found three. She left the room to get the doctor. They were not ready for my biopsy yet, but the doctor scanned me and found the three lumps. She scanned me for about 20 minutes taking measurements and coordinates. She left with the tech and compared that with my mammo and first US. Not good news, but hey, those other lumps could be nothing. So the biopsy started. Local numbing. OUCH.. that hurt. She had to stop to add more so I did not feel it. I watched on the US screen and they did three core needle biopsies on the one lump I found. I turned to the doctor and said I know you found three lumps, what about the other two? She said they won't biopsy them since I only came in for the one lump. Some of you know that when US techs do your scans, they are not suppose to talk to you about what they find on the screen. Sorry, but I know better! ha. Pathology will be done and it will take 24 -48 hours for them to get results. Of course this was a Thursday so you guessed it, I did not get a call until Monday. Ugh. I hated waiting, but I made the best of my time that weekend. The biopsy site was sore, but tolerable.

Then I got a call that Monday around 9:30 am. The nurse was telling me that in fact this was cancer and that it was two types of cancer. I wrote it all down. She gave me instructions to come meet with the breast care doctor (surgeon, Dr. Limpert), not the same doc that did the biopsy. I set up the appointment for that Thursday.

Jeff and I went in with open minds, but knowing this was cancer we knew I faced several possible scenarios of surgery and or chemo and or radiation.

I have a blood clotting disorder that will play a big roll in the type of chemo I receive.

So that next appointment came up, but they had me do an MRI before I went in. I showed up at the Deloge Medical building on 141 and had my MRI. I swear to you that a man designed that damn machine. It hurt to lay on it so bad. Hard plastic. Boobies in cut out holes while laying on my belly and chest. My rib were bruising just moments after laying down. LOL Grrrr. After about 40 minutes (or it felt like eternity) and many bong bong bing bing booms in my head, I was done.
We then proceeded to go eat lunch at the Mongolian BBQ on Olive. YUM. Why not . I enjoyed a great lunch with my hubby(who has been my rock through this all).
Dr. Limpert was next. We met with her. She was late coming in only to explain she had just spent about 20 minutes reviewing my MRI results. She said there were some interesting findings.
I not only had one lump I found and two more they found in the biopsy US, but yet another 5 lumps in my right breast. MRI did not show possible lymph nod involvement. Shuuuu. The left side looked ok too. Ahhhh. A relief. She went on to explain the two types of cancer I have ... DCIS and IDC. It started in the ducts of my breast (DCIS) and has spread outside the ducts into the breast tissue (IDC). Invasive. Yikes.
She looked at me and said "You just saved your own life". I was taken aback by that comment so I asked her to repeat what she said. She did and even said it for a third time for Jeff to hear. She said was very very lucky because at Stage 1A, very very few women can feel and find their own breast lumps. Good, see, the self boobie checks I do paid off! Grade of the tumor was III, which is very aggressive. So now she stopped and asked me about my family history. I have a very extensive paternal side of the family that includes Melanoma (my dad), Uncle currently battling breast cancer, several great Aunts that also had BC and or uterine cancer and my grandmother, who had colon cancer. She drew out a family chart showing my family history and then started talking about the possible risks of being positive for BRCA. Well, there is proven BRCA 2 with my decease Aunt Joan. Ugh. Double whammy.
In all recommendations I would need chemotherapy. I started to cry! Ugh. that word hit me hard. I saw what my dad had to go through and man it was rough! Then she said given my family history of cancer and the types of cancer and proven BRCA 2, I am most likely going to need not just my right breast removed, but a double mastectomy to avoid the possibility of cancer coming back in the left side too. I was floored. 

more later. Sorry to ramble.